I keep running in circles. Sometimes I take big decisions. But those don’t change how I feel. Last night I had a weird dream, I dreamt that someone shot my fiance and my dad. All my attention was for my fiance, but later I found out that my dad did not make it. When my fiance was shot I felt numb and alone but when my dad died suddenly my mother and my sister showed up, the weirdest thing is that my dad was among them and he looked the same as usual: when he saw our reactions his face suddenly looked panicked and he uttered “I don’t have much time left then!” so he gave each of us a hug that felt composed and agitated at the same time, and I burst out in tears and said “I can’t imagine my life without you”.
I woke up crying a lot and loudly.